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[foodsofmypeople]

Leave a message here for Kaidan.

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TEXT - AUG 21

[squadgoals]

[Some time after arriving back, post-running-into-Thane, Shepard spends a little personal time with the directory, looking for familiar faces. When her finger scrolls down to Kaidan's profile, her breath catches in her throat.

She pulls up a text message box, and drums her fingers on the desk. What do you write to a ghost?

She shakes her head, frowning. Okay, Shep, don't make it weird. Just write a nice, normal message. He probably doesn't think he's a ghost.]

Kaidan,

Shepard here. Welcome aboard the Moira — only too sorry I couldn't have been there to greet you personally. I hope you've been able to settle in so far, even with all the changes going on.

I assume you arrived at the beginning of August?

[Businesslike. Was it too personal? Too impersonal? She taps "send" before overthinking it further.]

[foodsofmypeople]

[Well he'd been warned that there were other versions of Shepard on board the Moira, hadn't he? He just hadn't expected to see them so quickly. Or just how much of a punch in the gut it was getting the text from Shep. Had he died there too?]

Oh yeah, settling in just fine. Interesting place you've got here. [Sarcasm? You bet.] Yes, I did arrive at the beginning of August, which was a bit of a surprise considering it was March just before. [Stop waffling, Alenko.]

[squadgoals]

[She sits straight up when she gets the reply, swiping into the message immediately. Okay. Good. Good reply. Nice and even. Tone matching tone.]

"Interesting" doesn't even begin to describe it.

[March, March, what was March? Not Virmire. So he was alive when he was pulled? Where? Or did he die in March? No, not possible— or was it? This was an alternate universe, right? There's a solid handful of seconds of drumming fingers, before she continues:]

Bet that was a shock. If you don't mind me asking, what's the last thing you remember before showing up on-board?

[foodsofmypeople]

[Of course, Kaidan was internally panicking. How was Shep going to react to him? He'd all but accused her on Mars of not being her. It was only when they found the Cerberus agent, and realised just what the Illusive Bastard was doing to his people that he began to come around, even more after their conversations in hospital. But there was a pause before he responsed.]

Killing Udina on the Citadel for working with Cerberus.

[squadgoals]

[What?

It was as if the ground had dropped out underneath her — the same sensation of falling, struck dizzy and sick at the possibilities.

Killed Udina? I killed Udina. I shot him myself. Right then and there, in front of Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams. There hadn't been any time to think — only to shoot. It was only coming down from the adrenaline, heart beating double, that she mournfully considered that she might have, in the same moment, ended any remaining relationship she'd had with Ash.

What Kaidan's response was suggesting was something she'd thought about, on darker nights. A what-if scenario the kind that therapists (Systems Alliance had a system — you either went to your scheduled appointments on loss, regret, and guilt on time in an orderly fashion, or they blew up your omni-tool with reminders, mail, calls, then finally tracked you down in person.) generally advised against.

Dead Kaidan would almost have been better.]

Thanks for letting me know.

Do you have a few minutes to chat in person?

[She hits send, head still spinning, half-praying he had something else to do.]

[foodsofmypeople]

[Well, it made sense that she would want to meet up. He'd half expected it since the start of the message. And frankly, anything to get him out of his job as a laundry attendant.]

Of course. Where do you want to meet up? [Sorry Shep, out of luck there.]

[squadgoals]

[And he had time now, from the sounds of it.

Shit.

Christ, where was a good place to have an emotional reunion?]

Do you know where to find the bow observation deck? I can drop you a map point, if you need it.

[foodsofmypeople]

[Sorry Shep, sometime that luck was going to run out.

But of course he had found the observation deck. It was like he'd been drawn to it, and had become a safe place for him.]

No, I know it. See you there in 30 minutes?

TEXT -> ACTION

[squadgoals]

Roger that.

[The observation decks have chairs, benches, beanbags, whatever, for people's sitting pleasure, but Shep's turned them all down in favor of standing. In general, "stationary" is not a position she's really feeling right now, and it's all she can do to not pace. Instead, she crosses her arms, and stares out at the spacescape beyond, her form backlit by stars and galaxies beyond.

When she hears Kaidan's approaching footfalls some distance away, she doesn't turn immediately, mentally psyching herself up. She'd take a back seat to this, first. See where Kaidan was at. What he knew, or wanted to know. When she does turn, it's more of a half-turn — a three-quarter look, with a tight smile.

Well.

There's a sight for sore eyes.]

Kaidan Alenko, in the flesh. [Her tone is friendly, but strangely reverent. It's not meant to be a joke, and she swears at herself for saying it.] Good to see you again. [Because I never thought I would.]

ACTION

[foodsofmypeople]

[He would look different to how he did before - older, certainly greyer than he was as a young Lieutenant, possibly wiser. Calmer. He'd accepted who he was and what his biotics could do, and how they and he could help people in ways he wasn't sure of before. Maybe it took Shepard's death to get him to this point, but that was who he was now.

He gave a low chuckle as she approached.] From what I hear, not always expected. [Meeting Nihlus would do that to you.]

[squadgoals]

[The sight of Kaidan speaking is momentarily arresting. Text was one thing, but his voice, posture, face — new scars and salt-and-peppering aside — it was Kaidan.

It's really you.

It's all she can do not to hug him. Instead, she wills herself forward at an extremely reasonable pace, hand extended for a shake. So much for the back seat.]

No, not at all. Not at all. [FOR EXAMPLE: YOU] I take it you've met a surprise or two so far.

[foodsofmypeople]

[He could make it easier on Shep, but there was a really perverse part of him that wanted to see what she would do. Besides, three Sheps? That was confusing.

But he wouldn't mind the hug. Instead the hand shake would have to do, though it's with a warm smile.] I met Nihlus, so yeah, bit of a surprise.

[squadgoals]

[Her shake is firm, confident, and lingers just a second longer than it perhaps should.] I hear you, there — talk about your unexpecteds. Then again, not such a bad thing, having a handful of Spectres on board.

[beat;]

Have you met all the other, uh... 'mes', yet? [Is a dead person weirder than a multiple copy???]

[foodsofmypeople]

Yeah, it would be good for that, at least. [Did she know he was a Spectre too? Did he tell her? How the hell did you say something like that?]

I have, yes. It was, uh, unexpected to say the least. Though I'm actually kind of impressed the place is still standing. [Yes, Shep. That was sass from Kaidan.]

APOLOGIES FOR THE DELAY, FEEL FREE TO DROP!

[squadgoals]

[She almost misses the sass for the confirmation of meeting the other "hers" — but mentally circles back around, lips quirking. Well, well.]

We haven't had the opportunity to team up — yet.

[There's a beat, and she rolls her shoulders back, a nervous habit.]

Okay, Kaidan — bear with me for a minute, because I'm about to ask something a little weird.

You've met Nihlus, seen other Shepards — so you know, as crazy as it sounds, that alternate universe theory is alive and in operation, here. With that in mind, do you think you could give me a sitrep of what you've been up to for the past-- [A pause, for quick mental math] --year? It might help me understand more about your version of events, and how they measure to other's.

[Asking for Virmire was too much, too fast. She could settle for this, figure it out from here.

Maybe.]

[foodsofmypeople]

[That sass was going nowhere.]

Then I'll make sure I'm out of the way when you do, because I can guess what it will be like.

[The question was inevitable, he supposed, and something he needed the answer to as well. How different their lives were, and more to the point, how the hell it happened.]

Past year? I've been leading a biotic special squad, special missions and the like, then... then the Reapers invaded. A trip to Mars, and, well... a lot of time in hospital for me. [Yeah, a rather painful amount of time in hospital, and a huge feeling of frustration at not being able to get out there and do what is needed.]

And becoming a Spectre has been a thing lately.

[squadgoals]

[Holy shit.

It was brief and condensed, but similar — shockingly similar. The weight in her stomach was back, dull, and angry. If it was a joke, it wasn't funny. They're not interchangeable pieces!, a part of her brain was screaming. Apparently, Kaidan's universe hadn't gotten the message.

Keeping her expression decidedly neutral, voice even, she opted for a small, cautious test:]

Right. And considering your record, I can't think of anyone who deserves it more.

[foodsofmypeople]

[But to him, they weren't. Ash was dead. It wasn't like he was living her life - as far as he was concerned anyway.

But there was a chuckle there.] That's what you said at the time, actually.

[squadgoals]

[Damn.

Of course she had. Because she'd said the same to Ash.

There was nothing for it. Nodding slowly, she gestures to a bench.]

I think I understand a little better, now — but you're going to want to sit down for this next part.

[foodsofmypeople]

[He gave her a long look, then complied. What else could he do?]

Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

[squadgoals]

[There's a quirk of an upturned lip, but her expression remains neutral, bordering on somber.]

What do you think I'm going to say?

[foodsofmypeople]

Shepard, when someone tells you to sit down, and that they have something to say to them - that is never good.

[squadgoals]

Well, it's not... bad. [It's just awful.

She shakes her head, and waves it away, physically and mentally.]

I'll try and be as straight-forward as possible. Kaidan, you're not from my timeline.

[It comes out wrong, and she knows it. There's a beat of hesitation, almost apologetic in nature, as her eyebrows knit, trying to figure out if there was ever a right way it could've come out. Lips pursed, she soldiers on, voice never wavering — only stilling, quieting.]

In my timeline... Kaidan, you didn't make it.

[foodsofmypeople]

[The joy of being a self-confessed nerd was that he'd read a lot when he was younger - he'd never been good with people and books made more sense when he was younger. So it didn't take any great stretch of the imagination to work out what was going on.]

Virmire. I died instead of Ash, didn't I?

[squadgoals]

[She exhales through her nose slowly, and nods.]

I sent her with Kirrahe, and trusted the bomb to you. [And he'd carried out his duty to a perfect tee.] Then I had a call to make.

I'm sorry. [The words tumble out, nigh unbidden, and wonders why, realizing their selfish purpose in the same thought. This Kaidan had never died by her call. She was apologizing to a ghost that didn't exist. She smiles wryly at Kaidan, still a touch apologetic.]

Think you can still trust me?

[foodsofmypeople]

[He was silent for a long moment. He had been with the bomb in his world with Shepard taking the decision that the bomb had to go off, so she had come back for him. But he had an advantage - he had been through it. He knew that it had been an impossible choice, and he coukd undersrand why anyone would have made the choices they did.]

It took me a long time to trust you after Horizon, but once I did... Nothing can change that, Shep. There was never going to be a right choice there. Both of us were ready to do our duty that day.